Beauty and the Beast

We all know the classic story of Beauty and the Beast. But this one ends like Jaws, where the creature is blown to bits. I know it's not kosher to give away the ending of a story at the beginning, but what are you gonna do about it?!

Chris -- In mid-August, San found a small lump near her left breast and armpit. I told her to get it checked out by a doctor immediately, and, for the first time in our relationship!, she listened to me.
So, we scheduled a manual exam with the folks at Kaiser, and a $50 copay later we were told to get a mammogram by Nurse Sherlock Holmes. 

San --  After the manual exam, I had to wait 2 weeks to have the mammogram/ultrasound. It was hard to keep a smile on my face through a family wedding Labor Day weekend, trying not to give away my fears.

On September 2nd, the mammogram/ultrasound resulted in "concern" for what they saw, enough that they ordered an emergency biopsy for the following day.
 
Thursday, September 4th will be forever ingrained in my memory. It's the day I got the call and my worst fears were realized. I was at work, in the middle of the day, in a cubicle farm where everyone could hear me gasp and scream from terror, denial and bargaining.... all at once. My co-worker hugged me and cried with me, while I tried to understand all the gibberish that followed. MRI, surgery, chemo, radiation.....

Then I had to start calling people. My husband was first.

Chris -- Of course, I didn't believe what I was hearing. I'd had enough of being told people I know have cancer. And when it was my wife telling me...well...I was scared, pissed, sweaty, clammy, etc. Work had already been stressing me out to the point that my right eye got this annoying twitch. Now, both my eyes twitch to the point of insanity. Perhaps I should take up fight club for a little exercise.

(sidetrack - I always thought the Beastie Boys {RIP MCA} should reform with some super-hot rapper chic and go tour as Beauty and the Beastie Boys. Just a thought.)

San -- The same night I got another call with further information. The tumor is called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (very common). It's only 1cm, but already in my lymph nodes. It's a triple negative. Aggressive. That's what I was told.

We contacted some family and friends that night, but I wasn't ready to tell my parents yet.

I went to work the next day, but in retrospect, I wish I'd stayed home to process, grieve, learn more and make more calls. But I didn't.

Friday from work, middle of the day, I finally had the nerve to call my parents (they live in Texas). I wanted them to be together, but I had barely asked for them to do so when my mom knew something wasn't right. I could sense her fear, so she didn't stay on the phone with me and got my dad instead. I told him. My mom the strong one and my dad the softie-switched roles. He stayed strong for me and sadly had to deliver the news to mom. My siblings visited them that afternoon so they were not alone.

Once past that hurdle, the clouds seemed to part. Over the weekend, I sent Chris on a quick fishing trip with Mike D, I wanted us to hold on to any normalcy before everything changes. Char and I spent Saturday with our family. We ate pizza, shopped, watched a funny movie, ate Indian for dinner, chased the kids around. It was just what I needed. A normal weekend.

I regained my strength and positivity, and got ready for the fight of my life! OUR lives!

I fully acknowledge that I can't do this alone. I won't need to. My wonderful mother-in-law (Barbara/Babs/Nina/ma), my amazing husband, and my beautiful sister-in-law Jessi have not left my side. They're my 3 Musketeers. So many more friends and family are here in spirit ready to step in when needed.  I'm loved and supported, and who can lose a battle when one has this many reinforcements? Not me! I'm a warrior!