F…. U…. Big….. C…..!

A lot has happened since our last post...

September 17^th was the 9^th anniversary of our first date, but instead of celebrating, Chris and I found ourselves sitting at the surgeon’s office to get the results of a PET scan, and to discuss a course of treatment for my cancer. Good thing we weren’t alone… ma, Bob and Jessi were there too.

I was afraid the PET scan would reveal that cancer was taking over my body like it can do. I held my breath a lot as we waited for the doctor to start delivering information. I could feel my heart steadily pounding, building up my anxiety, preparing me for the worst. The ol’ fight or flight response, adrenaline pumping.

But it wasn’t! It wasn’t more than what we already knew.  Whew! We collectively sighed with relief.

To those friends, family and others who have sent their prayers, thoughts and messages to the universe advocating for my health – You were heard!

Thank you!

By the end of our meeting we had decided that chemotherapy was going to be our starting point. Stop it in its tracks, and reduce it before surgery.

xxxx

On September 25^th we met with oncology. Long, long, long story, short…

I will undergo intense chemo treatments every two weeks x4. This includes two types of chemo each time – one famously called the “red devil”… Because you pee and cry red!

Following that course, I will undergo less intense treatments for 3 months. So 5 months of chemotherapy total, after which I will rest a few weeks, then proceed with surgery, then button all of this off with 4-6 weeks of radiation.

All told, this comes to about one year of our lives. And it all kicks off October 8^th.

xxxx

Today, September 27^th, I started preparing myself for the inevitable, so I cut my hair into a pixie cut. I want to adjust to having less hair until I have none. Some time between the first and second treatment, I will experience full hair loss. (pictures below)

I took my entourage: Chris, Charlotte, Jessi, Sadie and Max. My stylist Trish did a bang up job, and surprised me at the end of the appointment. She and the salon manager paid for my cut! They are MODE Salon in downtown Littleton.  A group of fabulous, wonderful, amazing, big hearted ladies!

My friend Heidi plans to cut her hair in a pixie to support me, and has signed up as my manager in charge of fun! Also my nephew Max plans to shave his head when I lose my hair. Not to mention that he and Sadie already put pink rubber bands in their braces in support of breast cancer awareness!

Next week I have a “muga scan” or heart test, a genetic consult, and finally a port is installed in my chest—the port will enable me to receive treatments and get blood draws without having to kill my veins.

More to follow…

Beauty and the Beast - Chapter 2

Chris here - Today is Monday, September 15th.

San had a PET scan today. And let me tell you, she now radiates beauty. Boom!

My part in the whole process - listen to my rock and roll and try to not nod off.

I did learn a few things while I waited, one being that "PET" stands for positron emission tomography.

San - I'm radiating SO much that I cannot go near fertile females for a few hours because I may cause their reproductive demise! It's like a super power!

Since our last post, more has happened. I had an MRI, a near panic attack when getting the MRI results, and now this PET scan. Given that the last couple of calls with test results have been bad news, I think I'm a bit traumatized when I see the doctor's office calling my phone. SO, getting the call the very next day after the MRI put me in a panic. My arms, hands, legs and head went numb and I nearly fainted. I decided not to call back right away, which put me in more of a frenzy the rest of the day. When I finally did call back I came to find out they just wanted me to go in for another test. Oy vey!

Wednesday morning is the surgery consult.

More to come...

Beauty and the Beast

We all know the classic story of Beauty and the Beast. But this one ends like Jaws, where the creature is blown to bits. I know it's not kosher to give away the ending of a story at the beginning, but what are you gonna do about it?!

Chris -- In mid-August, San found a small lump near her left breast and armpit. I told her to get it checked out by a doctor immediately, and, for the first time in our relationship!, she listened to me.
So, we scheduled a manual exam with the folks at Kaiser, and a $50 copay later we were told to get a mammogram by Nurse Sherlock Holmes. 

San --  After the manual exam, I had to wait 2 weeks to have the mammogram/ultrasound. It was hard to keep a smile on my face through a family wedding Labor Day weekend, trying not to give away my fears.

On September 2nd, the mammogram/ultrasound resulted in "concern" for what they saw, enough that they ordered an emergency biopsy for the following day.
 
Thursday, September 4th will be forever ingrained in my memory. It's the day I got the call and my worst fears were realized. I was at work, in the middle of the day, in a cubicle farm where everyone could hear me gasp and scream from terror, denial and bargaining.... all at once. My co-worker hugged me and cried with me, while I tried to understand all the gibberish that followed. MRI, surgery, chemo, radiation.....

Then I had to start calling people. My husband was first.

Chris -- Of course, I didn't believe what I was hearing. I'd had enough of being told people I know have cancer. And when it was my wife telling me...well...I was scared, pissed, sweaty, clammy, etc. Work had already been stressing me out to the point that my right eye got this annoying twitch. Now, both my eyes twitch to the point of insanity. Perhaps I should take up fight club for a little exercise.

(sidetrack - I always thought the Beastie Boys {RIP MCA} should reform with some super-hot rapper chic and go tour as Beauty and the Beastie Boys. Just a thought.)

San -- The same night I got another call with further information. The tumor is called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (very common). It's only 1cm, but already in my lymph nodes. It's a triple negative. Aggressive. That's what I was told.

We contacted some family and friends that night, but I wasn't ready to tell my parents yet.

I went to work the next day, but in retrospect, I wish I'd stayed home to process, grieve, learn more and make more calls. But I didn't.

Friday from work, middle of the day, I finally had the nerve to call my parents (they live in Texas). I wanted them to be together, but I had barely asked for them to do so when my mom knew something wasn't right. I could sense her fear, so she didn't stay on the phone with me and got my dad instead. I told him. My mom the strong one and my dad the softie-switched roles. He stayed strong for me and sadly had to deliver the news to mom. My siblings visited them that afternoon so they were not alone.

Once past that hurdle, the clouds seemed to part. Over the weekend, I sent Chris on a quick fishing trip with Mike D, I wanted us to hold on to any normalcy before everything changes. Char and I spent Saturday with our family. We ate pizza, shopped, watched a funny movie, ate Indian for dinner, chased the kids around. It was just what I needed. A normal weekend.

I regained my strength and positivity, and got ready for the fight of my life! OUR lives!

I fully acknowledge that I can't do this alone. I won't need to. My wonderful mother-in-law (Barbara/Babs/Nina/ma), my amazing husband, and my beautiful sister-in-law Jessi have not left my side. They're my 3 Musketeers. So many more friends and family are here in spirit ready to step in when needed.  I'm loved and supported, and who can lose a battle when one has this many reinforcements? Not me! I'm a warrior!