Red Devil (or Angel?) & What's Happened Since

12/23/14

Sorry for the delay...what, with the holidays and all.

So, let's see...San's last dance with the Red Devil was on November 26th. Now, I'm advocating that they call it the Red Angel, I mean it does heal you after all. But, I suppose it's referred to as Devil because it kills cancer. Anyway, here's a timelapse video of the last treatment being administered ~

Since then, we have begun treatment #2 - Taxol

Taxol

(click here for more info)

This is less taxing on San's physical state - the lack of nausea, primarily, is a great thing. It does still have its own side effects - fingernails become misshapen, hair loss continues. But her doctor has cleared her to start doing dishes again. DID I JUST SAY THAT?? Bad move, Jones.

But, we only have 12 weeks of the taxol (8 weeks as of this writing)...and then BOOM! no more chemo.

The oncologist, upon examination recently, has reported that San's lump has shrunk! So, it seems everything is working as it should. 

Also, we met again with our soon-to-be-retired surgeon, Dr. Haun. She feels that a lumpectomy, as opposed to a mastectomy, may be in San's cards. Everything is coming up golden, as they say.

So, in other news...we celebrated Thanksgiving (and my 41st birthday) at Sue's house. 'Twas a deliciously fun time. Here's a video that includes Michael stealing the show ~


 

We also put up the Christmas tree, see that action here ~




We also celebrated Stef's 20-something birthday and Charlotte's 4th birthday. I know. Can you believe it? 4?! Years of age? We kept her party small (so don't feel slighted); this was just to keep the stress and snot levels at a minimum. Next year, though - BIG BLOWOUT! Clowns. Bouncy house. Paid actors. Kegs. Video to be posted soon.

That's all for now...more later. 

CJ

  

DEFIANCE!

Defiance! It's our new mantra. When I feel down, Chris, my coach, reminds me to remain defiant in the face of this thing. And I do.... I do my best to remain defiant, strong, and positive. I'm giving my tough days less attention and try to move forward with life. It actually makes me feel better. Oh, BTW, I'm bald now! I'm not doing the wig thing so I'm wearing beanies. Thankfully I still have eyebrows and eyelashes so I can camouflage the fact that I'm a cancer patient.

Since our last post we discovered that I DO NOT have the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 cancer genes! What a relief! This is good news for our child, and good news too for my siblings. Still, I do have cancer and the question remains.... why?? It begs so many more questions. What did I do wrong? Did I drink too much wine? Did I eat too many cheeseburgers? Too much chocolate? GMO products? Non-organic fruit and vegetables? Argh!!! At any rate, our next step is to consult with my surgeon to discuss options based on this new discovery.

What an effed up thing to go through. It has slowed me to a snail's pace. I'm used to keeping very busy with work, family, artistic pursuits, etc..... Now, I'm keeping busy at home with simple projects like cooking and cleaning, and chasing Charlotte around the house when she doesn't go to school. It's funny, those things do infuse me with energy and I think I'm liking this pace now. ;)

I made pumpkin empanadas and figured out how to make delicious gorditas thanks to my sister's recipe!

The week after treatment 2 went pretty much the same as the one before. I recovered relatively quickly and felt well for a few days before treatment 3. After the weird respiratory issue, the nurses/docs were ready to attack it from the front end and pumped me full of Benadryl before the treatment--which promptly knocked me out. This picture shows me pre-Benadryl... and trust me... glad there's no video of me passed out, snoring post-Benadryl!

Here's Chris goofing around in the lobby at Kaiser..... look at the painting behind him. My husband keeps me laughing!

Halloween was fun, Char got to trick or treat twice over two weekends and scored massive amounts of candy. She's still good at putting off gratification and limiting her candy intake - mostly at mom and dad's suggestion. She buttoned off Halloween by pretending to be a kitty cat at her aunt Jessi's house.

Chris' dad John visited - but darn, I didn't get a picture of him! How could I have missed that?? It was great to see him! Thanks for visiting pa.

Chris and I celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary by going to see the movie Birdman at Alamo Drafthouse. Good movie, fun times! Best decision of my life marrying this amazing guy!

Love to all! We are doing great!!!!!!!

Treatments 1 & 2

October 8^th was chemo treatment #1. I’d be lying if I said I took it bravely.  As soon as the treatment was injected, I knew it was real, and there was no turning back.  

Not having a point of reference for something like this, I think I subconsciously decided that it was going to be awful. So it was.

The first three days (as I was informed by the nurses) would be the best days of my treatment, then things would take a dive. For me, the first three days were bizarre. I was oddly debilitated, fatigued, food tasted like paper so I could hardly eat, and I had strange dreams. With not eating well, I didn’t feel well either, and my thoughts were not the most positive. But crap, I was nervous to think that if these were the best days, what was I to expect next?

By day 4 of my treatment I was expecting something awful to happen, but it didn’t. On day 7 I was expecting fatigue, and that didn’t happen either. I did have aches and pains from an injection that stimulates my white blood cells, but otherwise, I started eating better, so I started feeling stronger physically and emotionally. Doh! That was crazy simple!

At this point I decided that I wasn’t going to let chemo get me down. As awful as some of the first days really were, this process is not impossible. This is doable.

On day 10 since treatment, Friday, I forced myself to leave the house. With the green light from an oncology nurse, I ran an errand! Seems like such a small thing, but it made me feel normal. Chris and I ran errands on Saturday too and that was wonderful. Char spent two weekends with our family so she hung out with her cousins and had a ball!

I did manage to catch a nasty cough and it was scary not knowing if it would turn into something worrisome with my low defenses, but having 24-hour access to medical advice was helpful. Thankfully the cough is resolving (because it has been “productive”=gross).

*******

Treatment 2 was on Wednesday the 22^nd and my entourage was there for support! I’m definitely pushing the limits by taking 3 people with me instead of just 2. Oops. But they love us.

(Please note the beautiful pink quilt Sue made for me! You rock Sue!)

I will still have to undergo treatments for a few more months, but this round of 4 treatments specifically is very strong. I’m basically receiving two chemo treatments per sitting. Despite that, my vitals were all perfect and we were able to proceed with the planned doses.

Something unexpected happened though. I experienced shortness of breath during the second dose. Nothing to worry about, just a reaction. Got Benadryl and steroids and managed to get through the whole thing. I went home whoozy which was kinda fun!

Overall, Chris, Char and I are doing very well. Getting through this phase in our lives with full support from all of our loved ones. We have received so many blessings in this journey. BIG THANKS to all of you who have sent your prayers and messages to the universe, cards, texts, FB messages, visits, nourishing food, care packages, and gifts. I never imagined that something as terrifying as having cancer, could bring on so much love and support! I have found friendships in people I still haven’t even met.

I don’t have pictures for everything & everyone, but I do have the pictures below:

Ma kept me company last week and baked me some delicious apple pecan pie, which I promptly ate with ice cream.....

Our dear friend Michelle Barton participated in a 5k cancer walk last Sunday….

And Jessi, Ma and Sue got us a badass floor freezer!!!!

F…. U…. Big….. C…..!

A lot has happened since our last post...

September 17^th was the 9^th anniversary of our first date, but instead of celebrating, Chris and I found ourselves sitting at the surgeon’s office to get the results of a PET scan, and to discuss a course of treatment for my cancer. Good thing we weren’t alone… ma, Bob and Jessi were there too.

I was afraid the PET scan would reveal that cancer was taking over my body like it can do. I held my breath a lot as we waited for the doctor to start delivering information. I could feel my heart steadily pounding, building up my anxiety, preparing me for the worst. The ol’ fight or flight response, adrenaline pumping.

But it wasn’t! It wasn’t more than what we already knew.  Whew! We collectively sighed with relief.

To those friends, family and others who have sent their prayers, thoughts and messages to the universe advocating for my health – You were heard!

Thank you!

By the end of our meeting we had decided that chemotherapy was going to be our starting point. Stop it in its tracks, and reduce it before surgery.

xxxx

On September 25^th we met with oncology. Long, long, long story, short…

I will undergo intense chemo treatments every two weeks x4. This includes two types of chemo each time – one famously called the “red devil”… Because you pee and cry red!

Following that course, I will undergo less intense treatments for 3 months. So 5 months of chemotherapy total, after which I will rest a few weeks, then proceed with surgery, then button all of this off with 4-6 weeks of radiation.

All told, this comes to about one year of our lives. And it all kicks off October 8^th.

xxxx

Today, September 27^th, I started preparing myself for the inevitable, so I cut my hair into a pixie cut. I want to adjust to having less hair until I have none. Some time between the first and second treatment, I will experience full hair loss. (pictures below)

I took my entourage: Chris, Charlotte, Jessi, Sadie and Max. My stylist Trish did a bang up job, and surprised me at the end of the appointment. She and the salon manager paid for my cut! They are MODE Salon in downtown Littleton.  A group of fabulous, wonderful, amazing, big hearted ladies!

My friend Heidi plans to cut her hair in a pixie to support me, and has signed up as my manager in charge of fun! Also my nephew Max plans to shave his head when I lose my hair. Not to mention that he and Sadie already put pink rubber bands in their braces in support of breast cancer awareness!

Next week I have a “muga scan” or heart test, a genetic consult, and finally a port is installed in my chest—the port will enable me to receive treatments and get blood draws without having to kill my veins.

More to follow…

Beauty and the Beast - Chapter 2

Chris here - Today is Monday, September 15th.

San had a PET scan today. And let me tell you, she now radiates beauty. Boom!

My part in the whole process - listen to my rock and roll and try to not nod off.

I did learn a few things while I waited, one being that "PET" stands for positron emission tomography.

San - I'm radiating SO much that I cannot go near fertile females for a few hours because I may cause their reproductive demise! It's like a super power!

Since our last post, more has happened. I had an MRI, a near panic attack when getting the MRI results, and now this PET scan. Given that the last couple of calls with test results have been bad news, I think I'm a bit traumatized when I see the doctor's office calling my phone. SO, getting the call the very next day after the MRI put me in a panic. My arms, hands, legs and head went numb and I nearly fainted. I decided not to call back right away, which put me in more of a frenzy the rest of the day. When I finally did call back I came to find out they just wanted me to go in for another test. Oy vey!

Wednesday morning is the surgery consult.

More to come...

Beauty and the Beast

We all know the classic story of Beauty and the Beast. But this one ends like Jaws, where the creature is blown to bits. I know it's not kosher to give away the ending of a story at the beginning, but what are you gonna do about it?!

Chris -- In mid-August, San found a small lump near her left breast and armpit. I told her to get it checked out by a doctor immediately, and, for the first time in our relationship!, she listened to me.
So, we scheduled a manual exam with the folks at Kaiser, and a $50 copay later we were told to get a mammogram by Nurse Sherlock Holmes. 

San --  After the manual exam, I had to wait 2 weeks to have the mammogram/ultrasound. It was hard to keep a smile on my face through a family wedding Labor Day weekend, trying not to give away my fears.

On September 2nd, the mammogram/ultrasound resulted in "concern" for what they saw, enough that they ordered an emergency biopsy for the following day.
 
Thursday, September 4th will be forever ingrained in my memory. It's the day I got the call and my worst fears were realized. I was at work, in the middle of the day, in a cubicle farm where everyone could hear me gasp and scream from terror, denial and bargaining.... all at once. My co-worker hugged me and cried with me, while I tried to understand all the gibberish that followed. MRI, surgery, chemo, radiation.....

Then I had to start calling people. My husband was first.

Chris -- Of course, I didn't believe what I was hearing. I'd had enough of being told people I know have cancer. And when it was my wife telling me...well...I was scared, pissed, sweaty, clammy, etc. Work had already been stressing me out to the point that my right eye got this annoying twitch. Now, both my eyes twitch to the point of insanity. Perhaps I should take up fight club for a little exercise.

(sidetrack - I always thought the Beastie Boys {RIP MCA} should reform with some super-hot rapper chic and go tour as Beauty and the Beastie Boys. Just a thought.)

San -- The same night I got another call with further information. The tumor is called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (very common). It's only 1cm, but already in my lymph nodes. It's a triple negative. Aggressive. That's what I was told.

We contacted some family and friends that night, but I wasn't ready to tell my parents yet.

I went to work the next day, but in retrospect, I wish I'd stayed home to process, grieve, learn more and make more calls. But I didn't.

Friday from work, middle of the day, I finally had the nerve to call my parents (they live in Texas). I wanted them to be together, but I had barely asked for them to do so when my mom knew something wasn't right. I could sense her fear, so she didn't stay on the phone with me and got my dad instead. I told him. My mom the strong one and my dad the softie-switched roles. He stayed strong for me and sadly had to deliver the news to mom. My siblings visited them that afternoon so they were not alone.

Once past that hurdle, the clouds seemed to part. Over the weekend, I sent Chris on a quick fishing trip with Mike D, I wanted us to hold on to any normalcy before everything changes. Char and I spent Saturday with our family. We ate pizza, shopped, watched a funny movie, ate Indian for dinner, chased the kids around. It was just what I needed. A normal weekend.

I regained my strength and positivity, and got ready for the fight of my life! OUR lives!

I fully acknowledge that I can't do this alone. I won't need to. My wonderful mother-in-law (Barbara/Babs/Nina/ma), my amazing husband, and my beautiful sister-in-law Jessi have not left my side. They're my 3 Musketeers. So many more friends and family are here in spirit ready to step in when needed.  I'm loved and supported, and who can lose a battle when one has this many reinforcements? Not me! I'm a warrior!