Now, let me tell you why I hate absolutely everything about the airport! We checked-in online the night before and, god-help-me, I knew I should have rushed home and printed our boarding passes that night, but I didn't. So, we had no luck trying to print our boarding pass at the airport kiosk. It could not find our information at all. Also, the first Frontier airlines cabrona we tried to get help from was nothing if not mas puta! So, we stood there as my blood pressure rose. Well, finally we got some help and what a pleasure that was (insert sarcasm). But, I suppose if I was stuck behind a counter, on my feet all day, dealing with stupid people like me, I would be a total asshole, too.
Next, we went to the security line to deal with the omnipotent TSA staff. This is like going to the dentist, only worse - it's like going to a dentist who had to repeat Senior year. We didn't have to take the train because we were in Terminal A. So we come up to the long line for the TSA Checkpoint. Here we are - 75 people in line wating our turn. And then I see a group of people going around to the "unknown-of" line to the left (see freehand pic below, click to enlarge). Who the fuck are these people that cannot follow simple fucking rules? Seriously. Do they think we've got it all wrong in the one line? What the fuck is in their minds that goes, "Well, why don't I just walk over to that area where there's no line? Those people there must be imbeciles!" Fuckers. At the very least, the TSA guard let them get all the way to the top of the ramp before he pointed out their stupidity. Man, you should've seen the look of disappoinment on their faces. Of course, I had to laugh out loud at them coming back down. This upset San and I was in the dog house.
Now my favorite part of the day so far - I couldn't make it successfully through the metal detector the first time.
BEEP BEEP BEEP!!! (Blood pressure rising)
"Do you have any metal plates in your body, sir?" The TSA tool asked.
"No, perhaps it's my wallet. Can you hold this?"
"No, sir, it needs to go through the x-ray device."
"Okay." I said after I returned.
"Come through, sir."
BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!! (Blood beginning to boil)
The TSA tool ran the wand over me.
"Looks like it's your belt, sir."
"Oh, that's odd!" Let it be known, I have worn the same belt 10 times through the metal detector, and now, all of a sudden it's setting the alarm off! What happened?! Did a fucking terrorist try to blow up an airplane in the name of Allah using an aluminum plated leather belt buckle? "Well, can you hold on this?"
"No, sir, it needs to go through the x-ray device."
Ugghhh!!!! No more BEEP! Okay, so, now I'm finally through that!
14 people missed their flights because of my belt buckle.
So, San is upset with me. My blood pressure is through the roof. And now I have to fly! Yay! I love being 35,000 feet above the ground in a metal cigar case. "It's safer than driving!" I get so sick of hearing that. When the fuck are they going to invent the matter transporter?
So, I sat down by myself while San, Ma and Bob went to Quizno's. I calmed down. Then, I quickly put 2 Lorazepam under my tongue. Well, I shit you not, as those pills dissolved, so did all my cares in the world. I went to the bar to get a beer.
There were several of us milling about waiting to be served. When the bartender approached I deferred him to a lady who I noticed there before me. When he returned he asked what I would like and I told him, "A Fat Tire." I went to get my wallet. He informed me that the lady had bought it for me! Ahh, my day was really looking up!
So, needless to say, the flight was a breeze. Smooth sailing. In fact, I can't recall a single fucking thing about the flight. And I was awake the whole time!
Upon arrival in St. Louis, we took the shuttle to rent a minivan. Then we checked in to the Viking hotel. We unwound a little bit and then headed over to Aunt Jeannie's and Uncle Wally's house. We stopped at the Schnuks along the way to get some beer and wine. We went to the self-checkout line. And, wouldn't you know it?! Some stupida pinche cabrona cut in front of us when the next station opened up! Even the check-out kid noticed and attempted to speak to the self-centered woman, to no avail. Well, thank the lord the lorazepam was still kickin' around a little. All I said was, "Mas puta!" under my breath and left it at that. Fuckin' people. Seriously.
So, we made it to the Balden's. I ate about five handfuls too many of the appetizers; when the lasagna was ready, I nearly exploded. Wally showed up around 9:30 after a commute back from Chicago. Michael was supposed to be coming by for dinner as well. But, luckily he called right in time - 10pm - to inform us he would not be making it! It was good to see everyone again.
Friday morning, San and I slept in. I'm certain I reserved a room with 1 Queen bed, but we were given a room with 2 full's. This actually was quite pleasing. We both had room to stretch out. We have now decided that our next bedroom will be set-up the same way. I mean, why not?
So, we missed breakfast with Ma and Bob. We decided to eat downtown; Bob wanted to go see a rock and roll walk of fame he had seen on a map at the airport. So, we loaded up in the ole minivan and headed east.
The area we went to is called the Loop. We ate at a place called Blueberry Hill. This place had pictures of some guy (we later found out it was Joe Edwards) with everyone from Alan Greenspan to Slash to Chrissie Hynde. And it had pretty good burgers, to boot. Anyway, it was a pleasant afternoon. We went to the very ornate Fox Theatre downtown as well.
And that was about that. Jessica and the kids were due in around 3:30, but their flight was late. So it was deciced that San and I would be dropped back off at the Viking to get ready and ride with Michael to the wedding.
So, the wedding ceremony was held at Jefferson Barracks, in a lovely spot under tall Cyrpress trees. Jessica and the kids along with Ma and Bob arrived just in time. The Harpst couple was joined together in their bare feet. Cody was quick to say, "I do!" before the minister was done with the vows. There was a fantastic rendition of Etta James At Last. And, all in all, it was wonderful - I shed a tear (due to allergies).
Then, San and I were formally introduced to Cody by Missy and it went something like this -
Missy said, "Cody this is Chris and his wife San."
Cody said, "You're the guy who hates Phish."
I can thank Uncle Bill for this misinformation!
When, in actuality, it's this guy who hates Phish.
The reception was held at Shrewsbury Civic Center. Open bar, great food and a performance by Papa Smiley and the Brain Bananas (which is not a Death Metal band from Sweden).
Saturday was a cloudy day that brought heavy rain in the morning. We all stood in line for 35 minutes at the local Denny's across from the hotel. Sadie, Queen of the Claw Game, won Max a dog-baseball-hybrid stuffed toy. He appreciated this very much for a minute, then quickly didn't appreciate it at all. Kids! We ate. Then, it was decided to get the kids some swimsuits, so we could lounge at the pool until heading over to Bill and Mary Beth's for an afternoon BBQ. Ahhh...the pool.
I had not been to the Behrns' residence since Grandpa's funeral, and that was only briefly. The place looked great. A lot of work being done in the backyard, because, apparently, the neighbor is a tool.
We ate pizza, shot-the-shit and watched the Rockies host the Cardinals. The best part (besides being with family, of course!) was annoying Wally with comments about the game of baseball. The third best part was the beer. The really best part, was celebrating Ma's birthday! She turned 39.
Sunday morning, Dad picked up me and Jess and the kids. We went to Greg's house and had a delicious breakfast of eggs, sausage and biscuits and gravy. I performed an acoustic rendition of Gnarls Barkley's Crazy to an enraptured audience of Cindy, Jim, Tammy, Greg and Dad. Tears formed in their eyes, I tells ya!
Then, Greg took us to the airport. Jess and the kids left. I drank some overpriced Budweisers and waited for San, Ma and Bob to arrive.
Then, I ate two more Lorazepam's and we all flew home. . .
Thanks to Jessica for posting all the pics HERE in timely manner.
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